It's really really hurt to write about this.... tears really coming out on & off .... Why? What else? Love of coz....
17 January 2005 was the 1st time I met him at The Mines, b4 this we chatted quite a long time on IRC.
23 January 2005 was the day that I confessed to him that I want him to be my bf, he agreed. 11.23pm at Bukit Jalil Park, I was the luckiest man in the planet of Earth.
13 February 2005 received an sms from him, something's wrong .... I can feel it. That nite we go to the same place where we attached, he ask me wanna break coz he feels unsecure when I went to LW with frens and being there from 12am - 4am (on 12 February 2005).... He thinks I was flirting around there.... It was my mistake that I dun let him follow .... coz he need to work the next day .... My actions makes him misunderstood .... I felt so sorry to created this and makes him sad. I was be able to rescued the relationship and makes him to trust me.
14 February 2005 Our 1st & the last valentine's day.
Things begins to changed after 1 March 2005 or maybe earlier 20 February 2005, I can feel it. Everytime during the conversation, I can catch some points that he mentioned, the ideal characters of the bf he wanted. It seems that I doesn't fit in those requirements. I know... I have try my very best to treat him with all my heart.
15 March 2005 he mentioned that a leng zai was wanted to date him for movie. But he told that person he will be going out with a fren(me). A "fren" not bf.... that moment.... I m hurt but i pretend nothing.... today shud be a happy day to celebrate his SPM result.... but it ended up with quiet dinner ... quiet movie time.... He said he was tired, I know it means he was tired to be with me (am I too sensitive? ;p) ..... I forced he to watch the movie "Sepet" ... sad ending...
Sleepless nite.... something will happen the next day....
16 March 2005 received same kind of sms that I received on 13 February. I knew the time has come. It will be ended at nite. Everything was wrong that day .... I hv cried in advanced at home be I went to meet him at nite. As i expected, he said wanna break & I agreed without further discussion. No tears.... but really really hurt....
I sms my frens after I went home regards wat has happened.... ask them not to worry I m ok and not to call me. DAMN .... they really din call! aiks.....
Sleepless nite.... no tears.... oh .... forgot to tell him something just now .... sms him see whether he was as sleep.... no reply.... sms him of my last favour. Sleepless nite again.... called a fren to chatted for 62mins.... 2.04am ..... on & off ... slept & woke up many many times ..... 6.40am..... woke up ... cried ..... cant stop the tears ..... ON MY GOD! sure my eyes will be red at work. Finally got in the car.... switched on radio ..... sei lao die (di ke yu niu zai) singing "sa lang he" .... tears out again.... I think can go act crying scene in a drama or movie liao.... within 5 sec with a sad song.... tears will be out str8 away.....
17 March 2005 8.06am he miss called.... I cant call him back .... tears around the eyes .... 8.43am he called I din take the call, but I called him back, he say he will promised my last favour.... tears out after hang up.... b'coz I was not allow to care about him as a lover anymore....
This 7 weeks .... makes me feel veli hang fook everytime I seeing him at my side..... this 7 weeks is like 7 years to me..... maybe it's b'coz long time din love a person.... it's a pity it does not last for 7 years..... PLU life.... PLU love.... a PLU like me.... will I fall in love again....... ?
I dun blame him.. or hate him ..... in fact I still care about him.... I hope my frens will not blame him too.... coz love cant count who's rite or wrong.....
To HIM... sorry i was act cool on the phone... coz i m not sure with wat tone I shud speak with you.... wanna say thankx and take care.
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