Tuesday (05/07/05)
12.15am… back home rest …
took bath …. Then looking at the monitor screen… din chat …. Been thinking … thinking ……. & thinking………. Break up 112 days …. I need to give up …. Think .. think & keep thinking ….. until goto bed …
6.00am …. Woke up…. Need to get prepare goto grandmum house for the last funeral procedures …. Oni slept 4 hours … L
2.00pm …. Back home ….
6.00pm something … H sms…. Ask to fetch HIM coz wanna pay back the money to me…. I say ok… will fetch HIM fong gong at 9.30pm….
9.54pm…. HE came out …. We go dinner …. HE told me the story on Monday again going out with the cute boi & meet
then HE say maybe got 1 gal colleague like HIM …. :x coz HE praised her tat she is beautiful …. I was quiet …. For a moment …. I told my self …GIVE UP on HIM ….. HE noticed I m quiet…. Ask me why so quiet… I say nothing …
Otw fetch HIM home …. HE ask me do I disappointed coz HE speaks vulgar words & be veli chou lou …. I say yes…. HE say then HE change lor … HE be chou lou with HIS colleagues but be guai guai with me … I say then tat mar veli fake lor… you just do wat u likes lor…. U prefers how then do lor….
Suddenly I got lot of thing wanna tell HIM …. All my feelings … from the veli beginning until now …. But I know HE got many things to fan now….. family issues, works, study … I also dun wanna fan HIM liao ….
I think I will write down those feelings …. Then give it to HIM the next time I see HIM ….
Otw drive home …. I finally got the feeling… wanna let HIM go from my heart…
For me …. I wont consider a bf that got many ppl likes him and many choices to choose … Not because I dun hv confident in my self… but I dun hv confident in him … if a person that knows he got many choices … when some relationship problems accrued … he wont appreciated the relationship or consider solve the problems with you 100% … coz he might think … why I must tolerate?? I got other better choices out there waiting for me….. …… you might not agree with my point .. but I strongly believed.. this will affect a relationship if one party do not hv heart to continue the journey with you….
Last time I did not see clearly …. Maybe love blinded me… I may not attach with HIM if I know HE got choices…. HE told me b4 … HE dun chose ppl …. But now it’s not the same anymore….
While waiting at the traffic light turning to Sri Petaling …. tears drop out …. The heart is still so em ser dak…. I told my self… this shud be the last time I cry b’coz of this past relationship…. This time… it’s over …. No more jealous no more pain ….
If you ask me .. wat if HE want me back…. ?? then HE need to come kao me lor… muahahaha ….. :x
1 comment:
really the last time? well, you can only release yourself when don't even bother to remind yourself it's the last time or the last last time or the last last last time ...
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